I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize