i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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