Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
