put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
