Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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