Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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