I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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