I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
