U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
