too bad you live with your parents still
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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