If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
