I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
50% drunk capacity currently
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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