I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
