Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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