So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
