Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
