i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
