halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
