i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
