I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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