Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize