she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
