Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you mean i was at the winter classic?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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