I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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