The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
