so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
