thus making me awesome and them whores
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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