So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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