I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
nutella sex= disaster
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
