And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
