Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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