Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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