I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
