All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize