We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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