I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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