Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize