woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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