You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
