so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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