girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
