Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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