I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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