I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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