I could make wine with my vomit
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize