You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
