Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
