I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
