im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
