We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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