Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
