I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
