yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
