I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
