i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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