there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
