We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
