So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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