I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
