I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
