I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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