I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
