she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
