the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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