those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
