you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
