did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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