She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize