Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
